This one is going to be deep people, buckle in. I am not a religious person. There I’ve said it. Those of you who know me already know this. I was born and raised in New Orleans, the Irish/Italian Southern epicenter of the Roman Catholic Church, so of course I was raised Catholic. Christened, communion, confirmed, All girl Catholic High School, the whole nine yards. I quit practicing my faith in my late 20’s for reasons that are personal to me, and I now refer to myself as a “recovering Catholic” I do consider myself a spiritual person, just not very religious. Now don’t misunderstand me, I do not denounce God, I believe Jesus walked the earth as man, and there are certain aspects of Catholicism that I am proud of. It’s strict dedication to traditions, it’s place and influence in writing history, the story of the Nativity, and oh yeah, those Saints, Catholics unlike other religions, pray to Saints. You know like Saint blah, blah, the Patron Saint of blah, blah. So if you have a specific request, you have a go to person. That feeds to the control freak in me. Having a more direct line of communication. But as far as the rest of it, I just never really got the whole thing. So many questions. Questions that can’t be proven go against every grain of the scientific, evolutionist, Darwinism side of me. When we look at our Travel pictures, my deeply religious, Southern Baptist, very well traveled mother in law will shout “How beautiful, God is so great!” And I’m thinking “it’s cause of tectonic plates” So here I sit, just spiritual.
Now having said ALL that. It should be no surprise, that I don’t routinely pray. I don’t disagree with prayer, I just feel in light of my beliefs, it just seems well…hypocritical. So Instead I will wish you positive thoughts and energy. Frankly, I don’t know if I ever felt comfortable praying, asking for personal things always seemed selfish to me. So I could never really do it. It was never comfortable for me. Now don’t get me wrong, there have been times in life, I’ve found myself in an empty church, sitting in a pew, asking for the right path. (Even recently) I almost envy those little prayer chains you see on Facebook where people request prayer warriors and 200 people respond immediately, and here I am with my positive thoughts and energy! Even then, for someone else, I can’t bring myself to do it. The hypocrisy guilt creeps in.
Last night however, I had an epiphany, I came across this Facebook page that a friend shared and it shook me to my core. It’s a page about a mother watching her beautiful 8 year old daughter slowly, painfully being taken away by an inoperable brain tumor. The story is devastating to say the least, but the thing that shook me the most, was in her update posts, was her ability to usher these beautiful prayers to God, not about please change this situation, don’t take my baby, but about thankfulness, strength, ending suffering, gratefulness for time, and they just flowed so effortlessly that you could feel the power in them. They were like a rhythmic poetry, I was shook, and moved to tears. Then it hit me, I don’t know how to pray like that. It’s not about the motion or the words, it’s about coming from the deepest parts of your soul. I don’t know if I can do that. I have friends that have suffered so much loss in their lifetime they should be bitter and angry. But they’re not, they are rooted more than ever in their Faith, I am in awe of them. I have friends that have defected from their religions for a more spiritual path, and are so enlightened I actually gain energy from them. I am in awe of them as well.
So my newest, deepest, most personal journey begins. How to pray. Not for a job, or a house, or things, but for strength, forgiveness, healing. The things that repair the soul. I want it to flow like poetry, effortlessly, not for me, but for everyone else around me who in that moment needs to feel it in their soul too.
I’m going to need some guidance!
Jesus, Buddha, Shiva, Lord, Mother Nature, one of you please take the wheel!
M
The real life adventures of a Creole Gypsy 