INFJ. Yep according to Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator, that’s me. Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, Judgement. If you read any form of the description, I fit it in every way and shape possible. We are rare. We are complex, and personally I feel if society ever collapses, we would rise like the Phoenix from the ashes as the New governing body, and the world would forever live in harmony! Okay, maybe a dramatic stretch there, (but not really) We generally like our quiet time and space, don’t hate being alone, and our intuition levels are so sharp, we can feel things in the air before they happen. And can see straight through a con artist at 50 yards!

Having said all this brings me to the point of my post today. Disclaimer: This is not a cry for help! Just hopefully a message for anyone else suffering in silence. You are not alone.

My husband and I some years ago were forced into a non-traditional family situation with him working halfway across the country, while I stayed home in Texas to raise 3 kids, mostly solo. He was only home a couple of months out of the year and holidays. We did this for, wait for it…6 Years!!! Looking back now, I don’t know how we/I survived it. I’m thinking that whole INFJ dna thing helped, and the fact that I would literally hide in my bedroom occasionally to get away from “those people” err I mean kids, somewhat helped. But I will not lie, It. Was. Hard. The challenges it presents are enough for a whole series of blog posts! I probably should write a book. I’m thinking it would go straight to the bestseller list in a week. (Insert blended family drama here) By some stroke of God, we made it through, no one went to jail, and the kids are awesome functioning adults.

Skip ahead, 5 years later. Today, I’m sitting here all INFJ, alone (my natural habitat right?) My hubby as fate would have it, is on the road again for work till June. Not indefinitely like before, just June, a light at the end of the tunnel. According to Meyer-Briggs, I should be in loner heaven. So why am I struggling? I’m here to attest, alone time should only be taken in small doses. If not, it will manifest into loneliness. Demons will arrive uninvited, and your mind, well your mind can turn into a corrupt spirit from Hell! This is a big pool to have to tread around to long in. You’ll drown, and dammit no one will be here to notice! I miss him, I miss the kids, I miss the occasional chaos, and frankly I’m all out of people to silently diagnose from across the room. A part of me wants to quit my job and fly cross country to just be with him. This of course is not feasible because he works 12 hours a day, I would still be alone and I happen to like my job! But trust me, the voice is there.

I don’t know how we did this for 6 years, I’m sure having kids to raise, and working full time, was a distraction even though that at the time was a struggle in and of itself. (3 teenagers at once!) it’s crazy how right now, I would love to be surrounded by the crazies instead of just me. It’s an ode to “careful what you wish for.”

I go visit him in a couple of weeks. It can’t get here fast enough. He’ll still have to work, but just knowing I will see him every day for something as simple as dinner sounds amazing! I will be wearing my sassy extrovert pants! (But just for a little while) In the meantime, I’ll be driving my kids crazy with extra visits. Because what 20 something’s don’t want to hang with mom on the weekend! (Eye roll here!)

M.

The INFJ/Occasional Extrovert